Focus on the Family : Toddler Years Are a Brief, Delightful Time for Parents

QUESTION: My baby is only a year old, and she is a joy to my husband and me. But your description of toddlerhood is kind of scary. It's just around the corner. Are the "terrible twos "really so terrible ?

DR. DOBSON: I think the toddler years are delightful. It is a period of dynamic blossoming and unfolding. New words are being learned daily, and the cute verbal expressions of that age will be remembered for half a century. It is a time of excitement over fairy stories and Santa Claus and furry puppy dogs. And most important, it is a precious time of loving and warmth that will scurry by all too quickly and will never return.

Admittedly, the toddler years can also be quite challenging to a busy mother. Not the least of her frustrations is the negativism of that period of development. It has been said that all human beings can be classified into two broad categories: those who would vote "yes"to the various propositions of life, and those who would be inclined to vote "no. "I can tell you with confidence that each toddler around the world would definitely cast a negative vote.

If there is one word that characterizes the period between 15 and 24 months of age, it is "no. "No, he doesn't want to eat his cereal. No, he doesn't want to play with his dump truck. No, he doesn't want to take his bath. And you can be sure, no, he doesn't want to get to bed anytime at all. It is easy to see why this period of life has been called "the first adolescence," because of the negatives, conflict and independence of the age.

Perhaps the most irritating aspect of the "terrible twos"is the tendency of kids to spill things, destroy things, eat horrible things, fall off things, flush things, kill things and get into things. They also have a knack for doing embarrassing things, like sneezing on a nearby man at a lunch counter.

During these toddler years, any unexplained silence of more than 30 seconds can throw an adult into a sudden state of panic. What mother has not had the shock of opening the bedroom to find Tony Tornado covered with lipstick from the top of his pink head to the carpet on which he stands ? On the wall is his own artistic creation with a red handprint in the center, and throughout the room is the aroma of Chanel No. 5 with which he has anointed his baby brother. Wouldn't it be interesting to hold a national convention sometime, bringing together all the mothers who have experienced that exact trauma ?

Yes, toddlerhood is challenging, but it is also a wonderful time of life. It will last but a brief moment in time. There are millions of older parents today with grown children who would give all they possess to relive those bubbly days with their toddlers. Enjoy these years to the fullest.

QUESTION: Our 24-month-old son is not yet toilet trained, although my mother-in-law feels he should be under control now. Should we spank him for using his pants instead of the potty ?

DR. DOBSON: No. Suggest that your mother-in-law cool down a bit. It is entirely possible that your child can't control himself at this age. The last thing you want to do is punish a child of any age for an offense which he can't comprehend. If I had to err on this matter, it would be in the direction of being too late, rather than too early. Furthermore, the best approach to potty training is with rewards and encouragement rather than with punishment. Give him a sucker (or sugarless candy ) for performing his duty. When you've proved that he can comply, then you can hold him responsible in the future.

• • • Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995 (www. family. org ). Questions and answers are excerpted from "Solid Answers "and "Bringing Up Boys," both published by Tyndale House.